Many pro se litigants arrive at their first custody hearing without knowing what to expect and make avoidable mistakes that affect the outcome. This guide gives you a clear map of the process, based on the California Rules of Court and family court practice across the state.
What Kind of Hearing Is the First One
The first hearing is usually an Order to Show Cause (OSC) hearing or a Request for Order (RFO) hearing. In both cases, the goal is to obtain temporary orders governing custody and visitation while the full case is resolved. These temporary orders are binding and must be complied with, even if you don't think they are fair.
The Week Before the Hearing
- Carefully read all documents you have filed and those filed by the other party. The judge may ask about any point.
- Organize your documents in a folder: your declaration, filed forms, any documentary evidence (relevant texts, emails).
- Prepare a 2-3 minute summary of your position: what custody you are requesting and why it serves the child's best interest.
- If you have evidence you want to present (photos, messages, medical records), verify in advance whether it is admissible and how to present it.
- Confirm the courtroom, time, and judge's name. This information is on your hearing notice.
The Day of the Hearing
Arrival and Protocol
Arrive at the courthouse at least 30-45 minutes early. Courts have security at the entrance and lines can be long. Dress professionally and conservatively: you don't need a suit, but avoid casual clothing. The judge notices appearance as a signal of respect for the process.
In the Waiting Area
Many California family courts have "calendar call" sessions before individual hearings. When the clerk calls your case, respond with "present" or "here." Do not interact aggressively with the other party in the hallway or waiting area; this can be reported to the judge.
Before the Judge: What You Should and Should Not Do
- Always address the judge as "Your Honor." Never interrupt the judge.
- Speak only when the judge directs you to. Do not interrupt the other party.
- Stay calm. If the other party says something false, don't react visibly. Take notes and wait for your turn.
- Be concise. Hearing time is limited. Judges appreciate someone who gets to the point.
- Focus your argument on the child's best interest, not your complaints about the other parent.
- Do not present documents you have not served on the other party in advance.
Temporary Orders and Their Importance
At the end of the hearing, the judge will issue temporary orders. These orders remain in effect until the next hearing or until the case is resolved, which can take months. Comply with them scrupulously, even if you consider them unfair. Non-compliance can place you in contempt of court and seriously harm your position in the case.
Compliance with temporary orders is one of the factors judges consider when evaluating which parent is more cooperative and stable. It is an opportunity, not just an obligation.
— California Rules of Court, Rule 5.92
If the other party violates temporary orders, document it with dates, times, and any available evidence, and file a Request for Order re: Contempt. Do not retaliate on your own.